Life, Death, and Choice

David C sent me a great quote from Steve Jobs, Monday, when I was contemplating my life:

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."



I do think a lot about my Relationship with my Art, having known I was an artist since I was 5 and started making books of Princess Stories with illustrations...I still don't know whether to stop the painting of Sara where I am, because there is something about the unfinished look that is close to the idea I'm trying to capture, or to risk doing more, hoping I don't over-work it and lose the spark. My final solution is to stop where I am on this one and start another...or maybe several using collage and watercolor paper for one. I don't have much of anything else to do in my spare time, and I keep following my heart to see if I can see some pattern or design in my life as well as in my work.

I'm also playing around with the idea of white figures. This is one
that I've drawn frequently, and now finally made in 3-D, 3 feet
tall, as well as the white Venus of Willendorf below. I've been
sewing as long as I've been drawing and writing, and each has
its place, the act of stitching being very soothing.

Although I'm not sure I even care about exhibiting, and I certainly
don't want to spend a lot of money to do it, I'm thinking about taking a class with Eric Swangstu on preparing a portfolio or Enlivening one's Portfolio...finding myself having very mixed feelings about putting my self/work out in the public eye...especially if I'm not as good as I'd like to be...and all those other questions that keep coming up around Art Making...Why do it? What does it mean? How to keep pushing, Why to keep pushing? What is the Meaning of Life and What do we do with our time here?...Well, why not?


Bottom line: I like making things and there is something about having others see and notice what I've done....I've even more given up hope of making any money at this, but I went to a talk by Gloria Lamson at Sequim Cultural Connections about the resources available from Washington Artist Trust, and I thought maybe next year I'll apply for a grant to do a show of my recent work, just following along where my curiosity leads me: Portraits, Women, White Dolls (including the 9.5 foot tall one).

Maybe I'll decide that it's important for me to keep doing this stuff I'm doing--I already know that. Even though I'm not the best in the world, and sometimes I'd like to be, that's a tough pick (what does "best" mean?) and I do have a lot of different ideas. (Just reading a book called ICONOCLAST and learning to think and see differently from others...so it's all raw material for...something...whatever my life turns out to be about.


The third piece is part of my Venus of Willendorf series...because I'm tired of carrying around my winter fat, but don't want to give up my most dependable sensual pleasure (food). And because I love the meditative quality of sitting and stitching, working in series, small variations on a theme, and Women's Work: the doilies and reverse applique and beading and buttons...also inspired by the Nick Cave show at SAM...so, lots to contemplate and an interesting path with a meandering quality to it.