Learning to Love Myself--and Be Patient with the Process

86) Vivian of Colonel Hudson's Famous Kitchen

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A Valentine to myself…I feel my systems not consistently supporting my will, my fears not consistently supporting my happiness, or should it be “contentment?” We inherit genetic material and an upbringing that conspire to make us who we seem to be. I am gradually banishing my Calvinist thinking, and taking whatever time I need in order to cogitate and create…and lie on the couch with a novel to rest after a walk for exercise, seeing, smelling. I had been struggling with work that supported me, but didn’t feed who I perceive myself to be. I chose time over money, and now I am spending my time.

Nude in Chair. acrylic and pen on mattboard

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MOMENTS OF PURE JOY (one of my previous books) essays and paintings about my need to celebrate. No one died regretting taking time to enjoy the smell of an apple/bacon/blue cheese pie baking; blue sky, blue Strait, white ships and Canada out the front window; a painting in progress, even if it is still a struggle; anticipation of a friend coming for lunch.

Experimenting with more large mixed media stuff

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On Brain Pickings this Sunday, Kate Keffery explains how aging and death make way for slightly more evolved genetic material…right now I want to demonstrate to myself the advantage of my maturity of thought and vision and eye/hand coordination for another 15 years or so. I have earned…and lucked into the opportunity to do nothing but eat, sleep, and eliminate…and I’ve eliminated a lot of previously appealing activities. The right to do nothing turns out not to be what I want…never has been…but today I was sitting in my most comfortable bent-wood rocker, in the sun, looking at a book of Alice Neel portraits, reading quotes about her focused desire to draw and paint, and I realized that no matter how Impatient I may become, I MUST continue with this prickly process of reading, looking, drawing, writing, painting, sculpting, thinking, being patient, and working to see what will Emerge. Art is Work…and it is the work I want to do!

Slow progress

The luxury I have purchased for myself by retiring from health care at 67 instead of 70, is the time to work slowly, but persistently. See other activities and ideas at my other blog: http://hotflashwomen.com/ and my three FaceBook pages: https://www.facebook.com/pamela.hastings.73   https://facebook.com/HotFlashWomen 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pamela/123795744301982/

And my website, where you can purchase my books, and eventually ebooks, and order your own portrait painted: http://www.pamelahastings.com